"S@#*%!"...oops, sorry God!

6:45 AM. My clock radio buzzes on and Jackie & Bender rudely awaken me from my slumber. Mmm, it was a good sleep too. I slap the snooze button a couple of times and finally succumb to waking up when Max, my muppet of a cat stands over my pillow waiting for some affection and fresh food.

Normally, I don't attempt to wake up quite so early, but this morning I was FINALLY going to drop of my car at the collision shop. A young man in a Jeep Grand Cherokee ran into my poor Geo almost three weeks ago while I was yielding to oncoming traffic. Seems he didn't notice me when he got distracted by his cell phone. What ensued was a lot of annoyance for me in dealing with insurance to figure out if my car was repairable or considered a complete loss.

I told God my preference was to keep the car, as it's been so reliable for me the past 11 years and I believe it's got several more good years left. Also, I had just spent $1200 on it in November for maintenance work. But, knowing that God knows what is best, I told Him that I'd be willing to give it up if He has something better for me, although I didn't look forward to the prospect of spending time looking for a new vehicle and the general hassle of the car buying experience, let alone possibly accruing more debt to pay off. So on the one hand, it was good news that the insurance adjuster deemed my car salvageable and asked the collision repair shop to fix it despite their misgivings.

This saga has been prolonged for a while and I was happy to finally drop my Geo off this morning before heading to work, hence waking up early. The repair shop is only a five minute drive from my place, but halfway there, a bunch of police officers were directing traffic to go elsewhere! Seems that a power line had fallen and blocked off the road. "Are you kidding me??" I growled under my breath. "Why are the simplest things so HARD!". Actually, the first thing that slipped out of my mouth was a choice cuss word, quickly followed by "Oops, sorry God!"

I've never really been one to curse except through occasional moments in grade school to try to fit in with "cool" people. My ex cursed a lot, mostly to be funny but also when she was angry. My co-workers, and also friends and acquaintances I have met through my acting projects often curse. I find myself uttering a cuss word more often than I ever used to, partially because of these influences, I'm sure, but also because I've allowed myself to not be so uptight about it. And yet, I quickly apologized to God this morning. He forgives, and I'm sure He even understands, but perhaps it's a good reminder for me to guard my tongue so that cursing does not become a habit.

James 3:10-12 says,

"Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers, this should not be. Can both fresh water and salt water flow from the same spring? My brothers, can a fig tree bear olives, or a grapevine bear figs? Neither can a salt spring produce fresh water".

Through Jesus' sacrifice, I have been made clean. It doesn't make much sense to muddy myself up through my choices or my speech, and yet that is so easy to do.

"Lord, I'm sorry for the moments when my speech is not pleasing to You. Help me to be more conscientious of this, particularly when I am around others. May the words that flow from my mouth be consistent with that of a man who praises You. Thank you, Jesus. Amen".

Despite having to back-track and then take the freeway to the next exit and navigate back down to the repair shop via side streets (narrowly missing another accident!), I'm happy to report that things went smoothly. A very bubbly young woman named Katie drove me from the shop to Enterprise in Totem Lake where I was given a red Toyota Corolla to cart around in. Although the design doesn't offer great line of vision, it definitely has more power than my Geo! I'll be zooming around in it for the next ten days while my car is getting fixed. God, please keep me safe on the roads.

And so it begins...

I've found that several of the people that I admire in life keep journals. The idea of journaling has always appealed to me, but aside from a couple of minor stints the past 37 years, I've never made it a discipline. With the advent of blogs now, I'm finding it so much easier and fun to compose and present my thoughts. This is my second blog, having started one several months ago to chronicle my activities as an actor in Seattle. If you are interested, check it out at www.henry-mark.blogspot.com

For this particular blog, I'd like to use it as an avenue to journal my musings and quiet times before God. I love and follow Jesus Christ and acknowledge Him as my Lord and Savior. I believe that He is part of the Divine Trinity: God the Father, Jesus the Son, and the Holy Spirit. I believe God sent Jesus to become a man, to live a perfect and sinless life, and to die on the Cross and be raised three days later in order to pay the penalty for, and establish victory over sin. Romans 6:23 states, "For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord". We all are guilty of sin in our lives, but Christ's sacrifice restores our relationship with God now and for eternity if we lay claim to His gift in our lives by accepting Him as Lord and Savior.

And so it begins. I will regularly post thoughts, prayers and conversations with God as we go along. I have been a Christian for 24 years, so I already have a level of intimacy established with God, but I strive to deepen that relationship even more so. I invite you to track with me on this journey, and though it is a personal one, I am open to comments and dialogue. Just know that my thoughts aren't meant to reflect a particular religious denomination or speak for Christendom as a whole. They are the reflections of one man who strives to be humble before his Creator, someone who strives to be "a man after God's own heart", and who is thankful that after struggling the past couple of years is back at a place where he wants to BE still before God. And so thankful that God in His utmost love and patience, allows me to STILL be before Him.

"Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth" - Psalm 46:10