Tired and Uninspired

That's about how I'm feeling right now, Lord. I've been "going at it" for a while and I'm thankful for the opportunities to do things I enjoy. It's nice to have a full calendar. You know I don't do so well when I've got too much spare time on my hands. Thank you for nice housemates, my cat Max, a decent job with great bosses and co-workers, good health, my family, a good church. Thanks for a couple of new friendships that have been made. You know I look forward to deeper fellowship and I pray that it would come in Your timing.

Psalm 37:3-5

Trust in the LORD and do good;
dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.
Delight yourself in the LORD
and he will give you the desires of your heart.
Commit your way to the LORD;
trust in him and he will do this:

I remember laying in bed last week and appreciating how You have been gracious in providing some of my heart's desires and I do trust You Lord. Forgive me when my impatience or loneliness compels me to hope for things to come faster. For so long You have been my sole refuge and deep Companion, as should be so. Thank you for not abandoning me even when I felt like I was abandoned. Perhaps a sense of loneliness in the spiritual pilgrimage is normal. Jesus, You must have felt lonely at times, growing up and even when surrounded by Your closest disciples.

That being said, I do like feeling more self-assured, more comfortable in my own skin. I guess it's taken 37 years to get to this place. I would enjoy a brotherhood where honesty and authenticity are welcomed and even encouraged. One or more brothers who will speak to me as a peer or even a mentor. I am grateful for the friends I have, but I look forward to those who will spur or even travel with me to the new places where You are leading me.

Meanwhile, Jesus You are truly "a friend who is closer than a brother". Thank You, and praises to You! Lead on, my friend.